Cheap at Twice the Price!

I received some advertising today from a national (maybe inter- or multinational) company that sells a variety of electronics goods and gadgets. Not being important enough for a cell phone and not owning an iAnything, I don’t often shop at this store, but today, something in the ad caught my eye.

The price wasn’t too high, only $79.95. Oh . . . then I saw the small print: on a 3-yr. term ($399.95 no term). Hmm . . . well, that upped the ante quite a bit, but still not too far out of reach.

The paragraph describing the item was sprinkled with words with the TM (Trade Mark) beside them, words that even my Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, 11th edition, doesn’t carry. I guessed that DEXT had something to do with text, and MOTOBLUR—this sounded a bit negative to me, as if I wouldn’t want it, but apparently, it must be something excellent as it was mentioned twice in the small paragraph, once preceded by the word Only.

The photo showed what I’ll call a two-layer cell phone, a cell phone with a little sliding tray with a mini-QWERTY keyboard. It claimed to be a smartphone, Bluetooth compatible, with a 5 mp camera, capable of sending and receiving e-mail, media-ready, Internet-ready, and Wi-Fi ready.

Now I must admit that I have been a bit left behind in the electronic revolution. Once a few years ago, I thought I was ahead, but now I know I’m not. I’m running pretty close to the back of the pack.

I wasn’t interested in this ad because I think I need a cell phone. No, no! And I have a camera already and a cheap mp3 player, the name of which does not begin with “i.” If I want to send or read my e-mail, I actually sit down in front of my computer at work or at home and compose or read my messages.

No, I was interested in what this smartphone promised to bring to my life, beyond the fact that I’d have “no apps to open and no menus to dig through.” No, I was interested in only one thing.

It’s something that I’ve worked hard all my life to achieve, and yet, it still seems to elude me. I’ve put in lots of effort, sometimes some money, and plenty of time over the years. I’ve spent hour upon hour talking on the phone to friends and family, helping them through crises of one sort or another. I’ve stayed up all night on occasion, more than one, to comfort a friend. I’ve carried on thousands of conversations with myself in my head, practicing what I’d say in certain touchy situations, so it would come out right and wouldn’t offend. I’d worked hard, and now, I was confronted with the upsetting news that I could have saved myself the trouble. For a mere $400 less loose change, I was being promised something I’d been on the qui vive for all my life.

Instant social gratification. Yes, that’s what this ad promised, as incredible as it may sound! Doesn't that seem like the answer to world war, world peace, global warming, global cooling, climate change, environmental degradation, and all the other ills of this world? Think of those three words separately--instant . . . social . . . gratification—and now put them together for a powerhouse expression—instant social gratification. Who wouldn’t want this?

For $400, sign me up!